When we feel defensive within ourselves we bring stress and tension into our bodies. This stress is held by the muscles, ligament and tendons of the body and it leads to tightening of structures and compression of joints. Think of a child who is shouted at for doing something “wrong”. Picture that child’s face and sense the tension in his/her face muscles. Can you sense the child holding its breath and sucking its tongue tight into its mouth almost to close its mouth off and give it more of a sense of self preservation?

Usually in the instance of a child being chastised this defense will terminate. Maybe the child will be given some or another punishment which can mark the end of the experience e.g. “go to your room” or “clean up this mess now”. Any one of these gives the child the opportunity to restore his sense of centre and to drop the defense (unless the chastisement is more than just a once off thing). If you are an adult and much of the chastisement is inside your own head and does not go away, the defense response in the body may become a learned habit and simply trying to relax is not going to be enough to help this situation. Learning to relax is a 4 fold process:

 We need to remove the ‘chastisement’ source or other stressor.  This may be a projection into the future that someone might chastise us. This may be ongoing negative feedback from ourselves in our own heads. Or it may seem to be coming from outside us. Usually criticism on the outside of us that is coming from critical people is a projection of our own inner critic onto the people around us. A strong inner critic or dictator would mean that we encounter critical attitudes in critical people around us.

1. We need to combat the criticism with awareness and rationalization, searching for the truth. For example, if I look in the mirror and say, “Look how fat you are, you are revolting. It’s because you are lazy and a greedy pig”, I would get an inner defense. If I rationalized the thought I would immediately see the untruth. The inner message implies that I am fat, when in fact the truth may be that I have gained a little weight and am feeling out of shape. The message of being revolting conjures images of negativity that certainly are not fair when applied to a few extra kilograms or millimetres of adipose tissue. I am always lazy and greedy. The truth may be that I can be lazy and my behaviour or my thoughts are at times greedy. So the truth is I can be lazy and greedy at times and at other times I am neither lazy nor greedy. When I tell this truthfully to myself I don’t need to defend against it, I can relax.
2. We need to physically relax and break the habit of holding on. We need to breathe differently in order to relax too. Unless we consciously change our breathing pattern we can not relax the part of our body that is tense because when we defend we change our breathing. We saw this in the child we visualized being shouted at.
3. Dropping defense starts with awareness. We need to be aware of when we are feeling defensive. Our body language is often a useful clue. When we suddenly find ourselves crossing our arms or touching our face we are being given feedback by our body of the uncomfortable feeling it is experiencing.

Imagine a body with no tension, a body in perfect balance. This could be your body if you drop your defenses. Have fun trying. Even a few millimetres of shift makes a difference so don’t feel you have to be defense free. Just move towards a little less defense.

I was reflecting once more on the Himalayas and all that they taught me. I remember standing looking at the mighty Marsyangdi River and realizing on the most profound level how futile swimming up river really is! The current was so obviously and so strongly downriver and trying to swim against it would cost a huge amount in energy and would gain no ground at all.

I have used the affirmation for myself ever since: ‘go with the flow’. I realized that if the river was taking you somewhere, fighting it would have no effect. Yet being in flow with that surging energy would be an awesome feeling. I have used this visualization as part of the affirmation many times since returning home and suggest you may find this useful too! I try to increase the effect of the visualization by feeling the current carrying me as well as seeing it. I practice letting my body go in the river and allowing it to carry me in my imagination. Even when this is scary, because I want to be in control, I find it helps me let go and just flow.

By popular demand I am doing another Spine Workshop on 18 May at 6.30 pm.

I have used the mantra: ‘Surrender!’ for many months now to help me.  I want to suggest that it is an incredible word and a very helpful concept. We have been renovating and building at home for 6 and half months.

 We have lived through the mess, the filth and the chaos and I have survived only because I persuaded myself day by day to ‘surrender’. Every few days my mind would argue and create a story about not being able to handle any more dust or noise and I would tense up and become unhappy and disgruntled. If I could catch myself in this spiral I would smile to myself and say as kindly as I could ‘surrender Sue.’ We have a big family and have had no kitchen, lounge or dining room for 6 weeks and although it hasn’t been ideal, it has been an adventure. We have all learned a lot!

I found this worked amazingly well in many instances on my trip too. Just for example, we were hiking in freezing conditions and there was no hot water. This meant we had to go without bathing for many days. We often couldn’t wash our clothes either. There was an amazingly fine line between being perfectly happy with it all and being unhappy and wishing it were different. There were days when I became irritated by the situation and argued with the way things were. If I could discipline myself to remember to surrender then the displeasure would just melt away. I laugh when I think it didn’t actually take a shower to make me feel okay, it took a single word! Surrender!

Just by the way, showers do make me feel really good now I am home! I say: “Thank you, thank you and thank you’ every single time I step into my wonderful hot shower!
Have a great, healthy and peaceful few weeks

Click here to see our courses and workshops.

Last Wednesday I ran a “Take Brilliant Care of Your Spine Workshop”, I discovered, as I always do, when I run such a workshop that many people know very little about their bodies. This lack of understanding leads to lack of awareness and renders people unable to care effectively for their spines and their bodies. It is so thrilling to have a group who soak up the information like sponges and I just know they will use it to change the way they think and live. Just knowing how to stand up straight is a help! Knowing how to switch on your core is essential and getting a realistic idea of how your spine and pelvis function is crucial to caring for it properly! I loved running the workshop so much that I have decided to make it a monthly event. Please take the opportunity to come to one and learn and empower yourself. Yours spine is one of your vital organs and this course will change the way you think and use your body.

Read what one of the delegates from last night had to say about her experience here.

We woke long before sunrise and lay in our sleeping bags wondering exactly when we should set off. Neither of us was keen to leave the warmth of our bed and so no-one pushed things. At about 5.30am we got up and got going. We put on every item of warm clothing we had with us, including outer shell water and wind proof pants and jackets. We had balaclavas, beanies and many layers of scientifically designed mountain clothes. We never said much and the tension was quite high.

By 6.10 am we were ready and waiting at the host’s hut for some hot water. We couldn’t leave without some water and ours was totally frozen. We had arranged with him the previous night that he would give us water and some food if we wanted any. He was fast asleep and it took a long time to get him going. The tension grew as we became more and more aware that the blue skies of the previous 16 days were not an indication of the weather that day. It felt and smelt different and snow flakes started softly falling from the sky.

Ellis was very concerned that we would lose the path and get lost. He has read many books on mountaineering and is a realist. I am an optimist who refuses to hear bad news, ever. I have an inherent belief that I will always be safe and protected. Sometimes this is based purely in intuition and although I would have stayed at the hut and aborted the climb that day if my intuition had warned me to, I was determined to go. I knew that if we did not get over the pass that day, we would probably be stuck for many days waiting for a chance to get safely over. I just wanted to go and not stop until we were in the next village roughly 8 hours walk away. The host told me that if we followed the black poles we would be fine and find the way, so I set off!

Somehow we had linked with another Japanese girl and her guide who had come walking up from low camp and had made a loose arrangement with the Japanese man that we would go together. I started walking and felt intense discomfort in my shoulders. My pack was pulling terribly since I had far wider shoulders than normal as a result of the additional clothes. I had to remove my balaclava since I felt as if I was suffocating with something on my face. Having frozen cheeks and lips was better than having no air. Quite a few cross words were passed between Ellis and I as a result of the tension and the frustrating delay in getting walking. I walked off at a cracking pace. Ell waited back for the Japanese man. Soon I was far ahead and had a chance to sort my pack out. I stopped and took my time arranging my straps. I had planned this stop and knew I needed some serious distance between us so my stop wouldn’t make him have to wait and freeze doing so. He had no idea why I was racing ahead and got steadily more furious with me as the distance grew. He thought I was oblivious to the need to stay together and that I had left the Jap to his care and just seen to myself.

This was a perfect example of how different stories look out of different sunglasses. I was being considerate and caring in my eyes and in his eyes I was being selfish and uncaring. I thought we could leave the flailing Jap knowing that there was a guide and another Jap behind us all who were walking VERY slowly. I didn’t see any sense in us all getting cold and stuck. I knew if we got snowed in and had to turn back, we would miss our flight home and my children would be let down etc etc and I was not keen to take that risk. I would have taken it, had I thought someone was in danger, but in my mind there was backup and support for him and we should just get to the top and down the other side as fast as possible.

The snow was coming faster and faster and soon we couldn’t even see our hands in front of our faces. I waited for Ellis once I had sorted my pack and had no idea that he had strained himself terribly to catch me. He was angry and afraid for our safety and I was dogged and determined to walk and move on, trusting all would be fine. We had a very heated and passionate fight from our reconnection place all the way to the top. When we saw the top, and had enough breath to hear each other out, we let it all go and the emotion died down. The challenge didn’t! We had to get down the other side of the pass in the fast freezing snow, almost zero visibility and not having any idea where to go. Our GPS didn’t work at that altitude.

It’s late now and I’ll tell you more when next I find a gap!

That day of walking truly goes down in my life history as one of the most exquisite days I have ever encountered. It was like being in slow motion. I think I was more present than ever before. Ellis and I were totally connected and in complete harmony and the mountains were beautiful, the people we met were awesome and every moment seemed to stand out in its perfection. 

We stopped in a tiny village for some milky tea and met an old woman and a guide who was staying at her tea house. He was a truly well educated and politically interested Nepalese man who had spent much time guiding Westerners up mountains including Everest. We learned a lot about Nepal and its history as well as political situation from our chat with him. Basically they are a country without a government. Any party that comes to power seems to last a very short time, before they are ousted by some cuop, riot or simply a takeover, and every government is more corrupt than the last one. The people are poor and uneducated and they are totally taken advantage of! It is hard to accept, but this is the way it is!

Anyway, we walked through Manang (3600meters) which is quite a big village and quite ‘sophisticated’, since many toursist spend a few days there in order to acclimatise for the higher altitudes that follow. There are ‘cup of chino’s’ and ‘moovis’ on offer as well as ‘swet and sour pork’ . There are many beautiful places to visit and an ice lake near Manang that make the place well worth spending a few days in, but we had to just walk on through, sadly, our time was running short. We walked on all the way to Yak Kharka and decided to stay at the first place we came to as we entered the village since we were exhausted after a very long day’s walk.

We were given an ‘en suite’ room, meaning a hole in the ground attached to the room! Yay, it made all the difference not to have to venture out into the freezing cold night every time you needed the loo. That’s not to say he rooms are warm, but they do shelter you from the wind. I had a bucket bath and washed some clothes, which was terribly exciting for me since I was feeling pretty desperate for some cleanliness! They had no power, but a big Agga stove and there was a group of Auzzies in there. It was great fun to spend the evening chatting to them and socialising. We were warm, well fed, full of sweet, milky tea and were having great conversations with interesting people, it was a great night.

I felt incredibly content that night and I think attached to the wonder of it all. The Universe had to pull me back into balance and the next day brought me the rude awakening that pleasure and pain always co-exist! I wanted to get going and walk along a bit with the Aussie bunch and Ell wanted a slow, unrushed start. I pushed and became impatient and Ellis got mad! I laughed when I saw so clearly how infatuated with the harmony of the previous day I had become and  allowed out trip and our relationship to swing as it needed without holding onto a need for everlasting perfection. Although it was a day of learning, I feel sad even now when I think of it, because I was so in my head and having conversations in there that I missed some of that day altogether.

Suddenly I bliked and we were at Thorong La, which means the bottom of the mountain, which is exactly what it is! It is about 4500m high and it sits at the base of this huge mountain and the pass that trekkers have to get over in order to continue the trail. We had lunch at the guest house where the Auzzies were and the familiar headache and breathlessness returned. We had acclimatised, but nobody’s body loves being that high. Anyway we felt very grateful that we felt much better than everyone else.

So, after lunch we set off for high camp, leaving them 400m below us for the night. We arrived at about 4.30pm at this incredibly desolate spot, which had 2 hosts, who must truly have been tough men to live way up there all alone, seeing few people much of the year! It was freezing and the wind was howling. We were glad of the fire and candles they provided. The big climb up the pass was looming and we were a bit anxious about it, even although we were sure it could not be as hard as what we had already climbed. The Aussies had decided with their guides that they were leaving at 4am and we had long chats trying to decide whether we should leave very early too. I had a bit of frostbite in my big toe… which had gone numb and in fact still is numb (I have been told it probably always will be numb), and wasn’t keen to leave while it was still so dark and cold if we didn’t have to.

There was one Japanese man staying there too and although he could hardly speak English and we definitely couldn’t speak any Japanese, we managed to establish that he too planned to leave at 7ish after we had got some boiling water to carry. Any water freezes, so you have to get boiled water to drink along the way. None of us were hungry and we went to sleep early, with that expectant and anxious feeling in our guts!

Apologies for the delay in telling the next part of the tale: if only it was as demand free in real life as it is on holiday!

So, the day after Summit day, we all woke late and Ellis and I lay waiting for the sound of Pancha ordering his team around and when we heard nothing we worried. I eventually dragged myself out of the tent, surprised I could actually move! I found a slow paced hive of activity going on in the kitchen tent, suspended in the middle of nowhere. The kerosene had almost run out, so we were having Muesli for breakfast… yay it tasted unkerosene like and I could actually swallow it and no tea… yay! We ate in relative silence and then started packing up tents and all the equipment.

It took us a long time; since we were all on go slow and poor Pancha had only one hand. By 10.30 am we were ready to set off for the tea house at Upper Pisang a mere 2 and a half kilometres below us! Walking down was easier than walking up, by far, but it was tricky. The shale slipped and we had to concentrate very hard to stay on our feet. Pancha set off at a cracking pace and I stayed at his heels.

I felt mixed emotions: I was incredibly grateful for the experience and incredibly thankful for the views I had seen, but I also felt deep sadness about leaving, knowing I would probably never return to this exact place. I felt sad about leaving my new friends and at the same time elated about the imminent chance to wash!

I started to feel my toenails about 2 hours into the descent and by the time we hit the flatter path into the village 5 hours later, my toes nails were killing me. My long awaited bucket bath revealed 2 black toe nails and 2 very damaged nail beds and I realised that my right big toe was numb and it wasn’t coming right. It still hasn’t! I’ve come to see it as a war wound and I don’t even mind learning to live with it!

Reality cam back into focus as we returned to the village and its few inhabitants many of whom were delighted to see us return. We later met some other tourists who told us we had been referred to as the crazy Canadians! who climbed the mountain. We were welcomed with food and friendship and although we still had a far walk to get to where we needed to go that night, we had a heart warming goodbye session which lasted the best part of an hour.

Many photos were taken and many hugs were exchanged. Our guide and his team set off in their direction armed with medications to care for Pancha’s hand, because we all knew he wouldn’t get medical help for many days, and us in our direction.

We walked slowly and relaxed since our legs were very shaky and tired after the steep descent and it was truly one of the most incredible afternoons I have ever known. We chated endlessly about the previous day and the whole climb and we felt very proud and very awed by what we had been enabled to do. It was 5pm before we came to Humde where we were planning to rest overnight. We chose a lovely tea house and managed to secure 2 buckets of hot water. I had another blissful wash and even managed to wash some clothes, I no longer cared how they dried, and I was like a woman possessed and wanted clean things. Luckily they served us food in a warm room with a big black stove in it and I started the drying process.

Apart from my toes which were agony and a real mess, we felt marvellous! We could eat again and my headache had gone and there was so much air! We were at 3200 meters, which is not low, but it’s a lot more comfortable than where we had been. We slept deeply and woke well after sunrise. We set off after 9am and felt as if we had not a care in the world, even although we had far to go that day.

Ellis being the airplane maniac that he is spent a long time checking out the forlorn and desolate airport at Humde, marvelling that any planes could actually take off or land there, especially with the surrounding mountains and at that height. Sadly there were no planes to see for evidence, but we did photograph the airport from all sides! I am sure he would have loved to fly a plane from there almost as much as he had loved climbing a mountain there! We will be back!

We woke at 5am and started preparing for the big trek to the summit. We were wearing every item of clothing we had in preparation for the cold and the wind, I could hardly  bend my elbows with all the layers I had on me. On the outside layer we had a shell, which is wind and water proof and we put hand and feet warmers into our gloves and boots respectively. My toes were numb from the outset that day and no toe warmer seemed to assist in any way.

We tried our very best to eat some porridge, but neither of us could stomach anything. Whether we were just nervous or whether we were suffering from altitude induced appetite loss I do not know. Neither of us ate anything the whole day or even that night.

We set off at 6 am sharp and had to walk with ropes almost from the outset, but it was about 2 hours before we needed to use our joomlas and ice axes. The sun came up at about 7am and the dawn was incredibly beautiful and the silence was exquisite. The sun did not get high enough to warm us until about 10am, but its light and presence was very comforting. The sky was clear and we knew we had been blessed with a pearler of a day. Once we started working with joomlas our progress slowed significantly, but it didn’t take too long for us to get the feel of it and find a rhythm we could settle into. Ellis kept asking where we were proceeding, but I couldn’t have cared less. I could see the top and I knew that was the goal point. How we were going to get there was of no interest to me. I placed my trust  totally into Pancha’s hands and focused on what I needed to do.

Just as my arms were about to break from fatigue, we came to the ice section of the climb. We changed boots and put our crampons on. This was a whole new experience for me! I had never done ice climbing before and it took a while to  get the hang of the crampons and coordinating arms and their tools and legs. I battled hard for several meters before I came up for air and groaned in desperation that I couldn’t do this any longer. It was too hard and too tiring. No one could hear my moans and no one could help anyway, it was my journey. I shed a few tears and then got a grip on myself and tried to put what I saw Pancha doing into action myself. It took a while, but with time the action came to me and I got the hang of how to do it more efficiently and then I was off. I put my head down and went for it: Ice axe dig in, joomla push the pull your body up while moving your legs and digging the crampons into the ice to get a god grip.

 The next minute Ellis was right above my head and moaning at me for trying to push him to go faster! I was delighted with my new found skill, but I came back to reality and started to notice my surroundings a bit more again. Several hours passed and suddenly there was no more climb left… we were at the top! Ellis and I thought an area about 180m away was actually the top, so we all roped ourselves together and walked along the very thin ridge of the mountain top to that place and then flopped down in relief and delight! We had made it! It was 1pm and we were at what felt like the very top of the world. The top of Pisang Peak, 6100m above sea level and alone up there high in the sky.

We took a few photo’s, opened and sucked on a sweet and then literally reality hit us: we were only half way: we still had to get down…..

So our descent began. We abseiled down using figure of eights to lower us and keep us from slipping. Every 25 odd meters there is a join in the rope and you have to clip in your safety rope, undo the figure of eight and redo it on the next rope. At every turn I felt my anxiety rise as I determined not to drop my tools or my glove, which has to be removed at every station, because you can’t manipulate a rope with a thick glove or even with the under glove. So at every change point there are 5 things to avoid dropping and a new knot to do. Only one person can be on the rope at a time, so there is a lot of waiting, which involves finding a perch and hanging there for dear life until you can safely descend the next section. Ellis went first ad I followed, Pancha came last. At one stage about half way down the rock face, I saw Ellis suddenly disappear. I panicked and begged Pancha to go down to him, because I was sure he had fallen. I stayed perched there, while he went down and over the overhanging rock face to rescue Ellis who as I later discovered was hanging in mid air on the rope. I perched there for 45 minutes while they sorted Ellis out totally in the dark as to what had happened.

Waiting is my weakest point and to wait, totally unsure of what I am waiting for was pure unadulterated hell for me. I tried to meditate to quiet myself and dosed off to sleep. I woke in shock and realised I had better keep my eyes wide open, so I breathed and eventually after what seemed like an interminably long wait I vaguely heard my name and realised it was my turn to descend. I was frozen solid and found it very hard to refocus. I had no choice, so with effort I gathered myself and manoeuvred down the rope. When I arrived where Ellis had disappeared I found 2 totally uncommunicative pale faced people and realised my traumatic wait was not going to concern them and I should just be grateful Ellis was ok and keep quiet.

Several hours later we changed boots again and gratefully packed our crampons into our packs and felt better in our old and familiar boots. We continued down and the light started to fade. It was hard to fathom that we had been on the move without a rest for nearly 12 hours and still our campsite was nowhere near. Everyone was relaxing and settling into walking on the slightly easier terrain where we simply had to hold the rope to move down it, when Pancha slipped on the ice and went flying (literally) down the mountain. He reached terminal velocity so fast it was astonishing. We both gasped in horror, thinking he was either dead or very badly injured. Knowing as we did that we were literally at best 5 days from medical help, fear and panic set in fast. We moved down to where he lay as fast as we safely could.

Anyone with less mountain savvy may have fallen to their death, but he managed to arrest himself about 200m down and  the only injury he sustained was a very bad laceration on his left hand. There was blood everywhere and he was in shock when we got to him, but he quickly snapped out of it and resumed his leadership role just as if nothing had happened at all. It was staggering. We bandaged his hand and stopped the bleeding got some sugar into him and then resumed our followship roles as before. Gratitude, relief and exhaustion kept us moving and we all safely reached our tents including 2 porters who had come up to help us by then. We got back at 7.30pm and flopped into our tents too tired to do anything. After and hour or two of rest, I managed to get myself together to get out my medical kit and go and help Pancha clean out his wound. We had to remove the shale piece by piece from his hand and thank goodness we had enough medication to manage the pain and prevent infection. I had steristrips and we closed the wound with that, but how functional his hand will be in the future I have no idea. He should have had masses of stitches and much other medical care. He and all the rest of us just couldn’t stop marvelling at the miracle that had saved him and we were all sobered by our constant thoughts of how different that night and the whole experience could have been.

We were home and safe! What a day. Neither of us could face any food, we never even opened our jackets, we just crawled into our sleeping bags and slept. Before we fell asleep we both promised there would be no more mountains! A decision that was reversed within 24 hours unanimously!

We found a little place with the most attentive and dedicated host. His name was Sonnam and he made it his business to meet our every need as completely as he could. He washed himself before he did anything! Then made us some delicious Momo, which is pastry filled with vegetables and a sauce to dunk them in.

He gave me a bucket of steaming water to wash myself in and then even took hold of all the dirty clothes and set about washing them! The major problem with washing clothes is that they freeze instead of drying. If you fold them when frozen, they break. Anyway Sonnam was determined to make me happy and so he wanted me to have clean clothes. He hung the wet things in the sun as long as there was sun and then whipped them into the dining area where he lit a fire and hung the clothes all around the room to take advantage of the heat.

I replaced the smell of sweat and use with the smell of smoke, but I was deeply touched by his dedication and care. I will always remember this gentle man with his bright, sparkling eyes and his extraordinary desire to please.

Sonnam was not at all sure that we should have arranged to meet our guide and not walked with him all the way, he feared that we had been taken for a ride and that we were going to be bitterly disappointed. I was certain I could trust the man we had booked with but there was an element of anxiety until we bumped into Pancha at the exact time we had arranged in Upper Pisang with 3 porters all of whom were laden to the hilt with supplies and equipment. We nearly hugged them all when we saw them and realized our climb was about to begin!

After a meeting and some food for the hungry team, we set off. We just walked a few hours of the way and then descended to help our bodies to acclimatize a bit more. Our team ascended and dropped supplies and put up a tent at base camp and then returned the the guest house where we all spent the night, before and early departure the following day. We left some stuff at the guest house, and took only the stuff we really needed for the next 5 days.

The walk to base camp was uneventful but tough. On arrival we were instructed to sit and look at the view while our team rallied around putting up a tent for us, making lunch and finally serving it in true 5 star style. They had lugged a cloth and a serving basket, cutlery and crockery and enough food for a 3 course lunch never mind all the other meals! We were gob smacked to be served in this way and while we enjoyed that meal, we both felt sick at the effort that had gone into providing us with this level of comfort. We had expected toppers and rice, which is what we would have served ourselves had we catered!

 We spent the afternoon practicing abseiling and using a Jummar, up and down ropes put in place by Pancha, just before he went up to high camp to take some equipment up for the next day. Having learned some new skills, we flopped into our tent and dozed for the rest of the day. Dinner was just after the sun set at 6 and consisted of pop corn! Soup, noodles and apple pie, all cooked by kerosene stove at 4400 metres!

We slept fairly well and rose early to get on with that day’s climb. Packed up the campsite, ate porridge and followed our guide up the next grueling, steep, shale covered 1000m to high camp at 5400m. By the time we got to this campsite we were not much use at all in erecting a campsite, we just needed to breathe! It was Christmas day and I had an ache deep inside me for my children, which nothing could soothe. I sent them an sms from Pancha’s cell phone which miraculously got to them although I never got a reply. What a Christmas day! The afternoon took pretty much the same format only our activity was significantly reduced as our bodies tried to cope with the altitude. We stared at all the lovely food and were virtually unable to eat any of it and even drinking water became hard, because it was melted snow and tasted of kerosene… a smell I hope never to smell again! Our stomach’s curdled and our energy levels dropped. My head started to pound. This is a common aspect of dealing with high altitude. The brain swells and the high pressure in the brain causes nausea and a bad headache. I moaned a bit to Pancha, who looked at me as if I was mad and said “so what?” basically it is part of the deal, so suck it up! Neither of us slept that night, the wind howled and it is hard to sleep without waking feeling breathless every few minutes.

We had a strange night, floating in and out of consciousness and chatting away whenever we were conscious. It was quite relaxing really and as long as we didn’t fight the feelings, we could relax into it and cope with ease. I was glad I had spent so many hours learning to breathe effectively and I have to say it helped me incredibly.

Dawn eventually came and we set off to super-high camp at 5800m. This 400m took several hours to climb, it was difficult walking and was quite slippery and difficult to make progress. We arrived at the chosen ‘campsite’, a tiny area where with a lot of imagination and many rocks it was possible to get up 2 tents fairly close to each other.

The summit was visible and the excitement and anxiety were incredibly strong. If I tell the truth, I was dreading summit day as much as I was looking forward to it. That afternoon we neither ate nor practiced, we just lay in our tent. It was windy, freezing and frankly that was the only place to be. Pancha went up the mountain, setting up all the ropes! He went all the way up, and all the way down again, only to cook supper and then do it all again the next day!! He has strength I can not describe.